BJJ Grrl

"Be gentle, kind and beautiful, yet firm and strong, both mentally and physically." ~Sensei Keiko Fukuda

Tough Love

on February 14, 2011

This was one of the bridemaid’s gifts that Jennie gave me at her wedding. Love it! Wore it today, so I had a Valentine, of a sort. 😛

This cold just will not go quietly. It was almost gone yesterday, and then I woke up today with a splitting headache and my sinuses stopped up again. Gah!

We did have one funny moment at work today — the client submitted a bug ticket because, if the patient called to take their survey but hung up in the middle and then the doctor called in immediately after to take the matching survey, the system would say “I’m sorry, the patient is currently taking their survey” and would lock the doctor out for 15 minutes. So while the developer was looking in to that, the project manager was digging through old tickets because something about that sounded familiar. Sure enough, he found it — a ticket submitted asking for a new feature, so that if the patient called to take their survey but hung up in the middle, the system would lock the survey for 15 minutes. In other words, they submitted a bug ticket on a feature that they had asked for. Classic.

Had an appointment with Dr. Tom tonight. My left shoulder is doing loads better right now, and the right isn’t trying to get in on the action. Hopefully I’ll finally get these two knocked out soon.

Class started with rolling. Rolled with Sara and Theresa.

Drilling was a response when someone is trying to pinch-pass your butterfly. Drilled with Theresa, then rolled with Blue Belt Buddy and Chase, the enormous 13-year-old kid who has now started coming to the adult BJJ class. (Even the largest of the other kids is much, much smaller than he is.)

So, after discussion with Will, mostly late last night through texts, and a lot of thought today, I’ve decided to make a couple of changes with my blog. First, I’m going to reduce what I write about each class to listing who I rolled with (but no commentary) and what the technique was (with description; I still need that). I seem to be worrying on things long after I should have let them go so that I can write about them, and this is detrimental to my own progress. So, this will become mostly just a training log for now, though I’ll still leave up the pages and will write anything special if I feel the need. Second, I’ve already turned off comments, and they’ll stay off at least for a while. I very much appreciate what everyone has said — thank you all! — but I think I need to take a break from obsessively checking comments all the time. I’ll still be around and reading everyone else’s blogs (and composing replies in my head but never actually writing them, as usual, lol!), and you can still find me & talk to me through email or Facebook. I’m not going anywhere; just backing off for now.

(Third, though you never saw this, I’m going to spend less time at the academy before class and after. I used to go straight after work and change and sit around, sometimes drilling something a little by myself, sometimes rolling is someone wanted to. But usually just sitting and obsessing. Going to find something else to do before class.)

I know that’s extreme, and maybe too much so, but I really do want to figure this out and get through it, so I’m willing to do whatever I need to.

I think this is that Blue Belt Triangle that Navita La Jiu Jitera wrote about here and here, also known as the Blue Belt Blues. Things were going well, the blur of a purple belt was a faint smudge on the horizon (but there!), and suddenly the sea has becalmed. You feel like you’re training harder than before, but getting nowhere fast. You feel like you ought to be able to do certain things, but reality isn’t matching up to your expectations. (Perhaps, as with me, those expectations are wrong. I’m working to change them, but that’s a lot to tear down and a lot of mental patterns to rewire.) You feel like you ought at least to be able to troubleshoot the problems and learn from every roll, but are instead floundering, repeating the same mistakes despite actively trying not to. You’ve lost your bearing and aren’t sure which way to go.

So, rather than continually toss bottles containing SOS notes into the still water, I’m going to see if I can find a way out. First I need to change what I’m doing lest I stay in that circle of insanity, and then I need to get down to it and start rowing. Again, I’m not going any where; I’m just trying to focus on the task at hand and so need to strip out anything that’s potentially getting in my way. So, yeah…

Ran across this video earlier. Justin has talked about it in class before:


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