BJJ Grrl

"Be gentle, kind and beautiful, yet firm and strong, both mentally and physically." ~Sensei Keiko Fukuda

In which I have to call for backup

on January 27, 2011

This is the pissed-off face. I wore it all night. Someone tripped the Gorgon button right before class, and I was still trying to shake it off when class started. (And the new guy who keeps calling me “brother” and “dude” did not help matters. Although, he did tell me that I nearly choked him unconscious the other day, and that made me happy. Oh, dear, I’m in one of those moods tonight…)

Rolling to start. Justin reminded us that this is a warmup roll, so go easy. There was a new guy standing next to him, and somehow I ended up with him. A bit unassuming looking. Bigger than me, of course; they all are. As I walked over to partner with him, I heard Justin ask, “Have you ever grappled before?” I didn’t hear the answer.

I introduced myself and we sat down. He looked around at everyone else, who had already started, and asked, “So what are we doing?” I said, “We’re grappling. Have you ever grappled before?” He said, “No, it’s my first night here.” He added a particular emphasis on that word.

…Wait a minute, “here”? *Warning bell.*

So I asked the follow-up question: “Have you ever wrestled or done anything else?”

“Oh, sure,” he said. “I wrestled and I’ve done some MMA.”

Lovely. But at least I have a better idea of what to expect: this ain’t gonna be no warmup roll.

And it wasn’t. He came out at 300%. I mean, guys come out hard sometimes, and I’ll call that 110%, but this dude came out hard and fast and pounced on anything that moved. Thankfully, he has about the worst technique on the planet. And somehow thought he could submit me from inside my guard. So I could at least defend, though only just barely sometimes because he was tossing me around everywhere. Did think he was going to break my arm a time or two, just from grabbing it and bending.

After several minutes of this muscle-sharking crapfest, we got to a semi-neutral position. I was pissed. Pissed at him for being an idiot, pissed at him for going so hard, pissed at whoever taught him this crap, and mostly pissed at myself because I couldn’t do much more than survive. (He was possibly pissed, too, because he couldn’t get any of his crapola to work.) I said, trying to keep my voice from sounding too grumpy (whiney?), “So, I guess you missed the part where he said this is a warmup roll, huh?”

He says, “Wha–?”

“Right…. Just checking. Supposed to be warming up, not going as hard as you can.”

“Do you want to start on top?”

Deep breath. “Never mind. Keep going.”

He maybe dropped it to 299% for a moment, but then ramped it right back up to 300% again. (And now I was even more pissed at myself for saying anything and letting him know that he had me rattled. Bah!) Again with the kimura attempts from inside my guard. Perhaps he finally figured out that it wasn’t going to work, because he wrestled my other arm across my throat and grabbed it from around behind my head. And then put his fist in my throat and tried to choke me with that.

Alright, now I’m super pissed. Sadly, I could do nothing about it but squirm and stew. He couldn’t finish it, though, because I was keeping my feet on his hips to keep his weight off, although he was doing his best to finish with just his arms. After a while of this, his fist slipped off and I stopped him again.

“Seriously, do you think that’s going to work on anyone bigger than me?”

He sat there stunned for a second. “Well, yeah.”

“Wait, what?”

He said, “Yeah, it works on the time.”

“On who? Anyone with any experience at all?” Because I know for a fact that it won’t work on any of my guys.

He said, “I use it all the time back home.”

I asked where he trained and he told me. I just shook my head. I haven’t heard of it, and I won’t name it, but if he’s any indication of what their training is like, it’s definitely a place to avoid. (And I was pissed at myself for stopping again. Seriously, didn’t I learn the first time? I look like a little wuss who interrupts people when they’re getting close to anything. Bah!!!)

Round finally finished. I immediately looked around and found who I wanted. “Hey, John, come roll with this guy next.” I walked toward John as he walked over and whispered, “He’s wrestled and done MMA.” John just nodded.

I ended up with Theresa, which was okay because, I admit, I wanted to watch. And John delivered for me. He out-wrestled the guy, out-jiu-jitsu’ed him, out-speeded him, and just plain smoked him. The guy spent most of the round looking stunned.

I just wish that I could do that to guys instead of needing to have someone else do it. *le sigh*

At the water break, John veered over to me. “Was he giving you a hard time?” he asked. I nodded and said, “Yes. Thank you.” He said, “No problem.”

Drilling was elevator sweep, both the standard and the variation for when they manage to pummel the underhook back. Drilled with Theresa. Then one more roll, and everyone turned to their drilling partners. I had hoped to warn whoever got that kid next, but it turned out not to be a problem — he was rolling with Gumby, who has the most flexible joints of anyone, so none of that crap would work on him.

That was the end of class. I moved over and sat along one of the walls. Andrew came over a few minutes later and said I looked pissed. I’m sure I did. I responded that haven’t had a good roll all week. He said, “Well, then, let’s go.” We were just getting in to a good pace when the kickboxing class came and took over the mat. *le sigh* At least I finally broke a sweat…

No class for me tomorrow. (The guys are already talking about sticking around after yoga to get some rolling in.) I have the company Christmas party, which was snowed/iced out back in December. I also have another round of house-hunting tomorrow. There are two choices on my list right; we’ll go see those and a new one that just came up.

Then Saturday is Open Mat and then Women’s Class.

Randomly, fun with science: Professor Breeds Bomb Detecting Plants


5 responses to “In which I have to call for backup

  1. Kintanon says:

    You should not be upset at yourself for adopting the Mocking Maneuver against a spazzy noob who you couldn’t physically dominate. The Mocking Maneuver is perfect when someone is strong enough to try something retarded that can’t possibly work, and too strong for you to make them REALLY pay for it. All you have to do is exactly what you did, sit there looking at them like they are a MORON and then ask them if they think that’s actually ever going to work.
    Your approach was perfect and I use it frequently when some super athletic noob is trying to sub me via elbow grind to the sternum or other retarded nonsense, including Americana’s from inside my guard.
    Eventually you won’t have to call in an enforcer on them, but because of the size and strength disparity your technique has to be 500x better than theirs instead of just 200x better than theirs.

    You did good though. Also, another reminder since I’m hoping you’ll make it, Bullshido throwdown event Feb 26th somewhere in Chapel Hill, I’ll post the address and times and stuff on my blog some time next week. If you show up then after my stupid gong sau I can show you all of the nasty tricks that I use on the 300lbers.

  2. leslie says:

    @Kintanon: Well, it would have worked better if I’d actually known what I was doing & hadn’t gotten pissed off and if he hadn’t had his “but it does work” reply because that left me stumped.

    I’m waiting to hear back about a Renzo seminar somewhere here in VA, supposedly in Feb. Once I know about that, I’ll know about the throwdown. Though now I have the women’s class on Saturdays… :/

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by bjjradio, Jason O'Brien. Jason O'Brien said: RT @bjjradio: BJJ guys – do not be the dude in this story! […]

  4. Chris says:

    Honestly I’ve been in the same position before, and I’m a 6′ 1” guy weighing roughly around 215 (blue belt). Some brand new white belt or hot shot right off the street wants to come in and prove his physical prowess by pounding you into the ground, and honestly there have been a couple times where its really just survive till they tire themselves out. From my stand point you handled it the way it should have been, keep asking him why he’s going all out, and just restarting, eventually he’ll get what your saying if he takes the time to listen. Don’t get discouraged, there is always gonna be some one out there whose faster or stronger, but sometimes just surviving is a feat in itself, no matter what belt you are.

    • leslie says:

      @Chris: Thank you. It really does help to hear that even big guys can have trouble with new guys. I’m usually rolling, too, and can’t see and so just assume that I’m the only one having trouble. (And when they talk about it, they always say that it was too easy.) So, thanks.

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