I got a shiny new phone today. It’s not a smart phone, but it is less dumb than my old one. Slide out keyboard and threaded texts — fancy stuff! But the machine that moves your contacts from one phone to the other wasn’t working right, so I’m having to manually add people. At least I don’t have too many.
It started snowing sometime today.
Tim met me at 5:30 to roll. We did talk for a minute first about working out a way to let me drill this year, so that should work out. Short roll, though; we stopped when more other guys started getting there. He did tell me to look for more submissions and/or ways to make my opponent uncomfortable when doing things like passing the guard. He was doing it to me the whole time. Just little things — tweak an arm here, grab a foot there — but they suddenly require your full attention. And most of the time he had me tapping on those.
A short roll a while later with Andrew. He’s still getting better. Then a long time later, a short roll with Will. He stopped when he saw that I was getting frustrated and couldn’t control it well. He asked what was causing it, but I couldn’t really answer. Inability to do even the most basic things correctly with anyone. Feeling like an absolute idiot most of the time. Being small and weak and having to tap to things that no guy ever would. Feeling slow and pathetic and like I’m not worth anyone’s time to roll with. And feeling like everyone feels the same way and avoids getting near me for fear of infection and/or wishes I wasn’t there. Half is the first few, and half is the last one. I suddenly feel… tolerated, but not actually wanted. That’s just hard to get used to again.
By the time we left, the roads were covered with snow.
Those of us who want to train jiu-jitsu are showing up early on Saturdays from now on to get some rolling in before the MMA class, which is going to be at our old Saturday time. Then tomorrow I hopefully have appointments to go see three houses; I’m finally starting to seriously look at moving out on my own.
Next weekend was supposed to be a wedding weekend — the weekend before the wedding — but Jennie has decided not to do anything big then. So instead, I’ll be going up on Friday to catch a class at Yamasaki Mechanicsville with Chrissy & Co. and Women’s Open Mat on Saturday. Then head out to Jennie’s that night and stay and help with any last minute details for the wedding. The week after that, I’m taking off from jiu-jitsu — Jennie has asked if there could please be no visible bruises in her wedding pictures, lol. 😛 She’s the only person I would do this for; I didn’t even take off before my sister’s wedding!