Large class tonight, lot of new guys. I did my drills on the side again. Tried balancing on the crash pad again, but the knee would only do 1 set. I also threw in 3 x 10 Russian twist/pushup superset, and followed up with 2 x 1 min prone cobra. Evil! Especially after the pushups; my shoulders weren’t happy.
I took the medicine ball and balanced my weight on it with my hands, then worked on sliding it backwards until I was kneeling. Most of my weight was on the ball or my left leg, but I did get into a full kneel. Whoot! I slowly eased some weight over to the right; didn’t take too long for it to hurt, though it was in my calf and not in the LCL region. So did some calf stretches, too.
The little girl had her TKD class tonight, so she didn’t do ours. She watched, though, and Justin pulled her in to drill the guard pass. I talked to her toward the end of class for a little while. She’s so cute! And fearless. That’s how I would describe her in one word: Fearless. She’ll go after anything; she doesn’t care how big the guys are or how they’re playing.
And I realized as I was talking to her that I didn’t want to say anything to take that away. I didn’t want to tell her to be careful who she rolled with. I didn’t want to say anything that would plant the idea that there was something here to be afraid of. I even caught myself earlier in the week, when she asked about my knee, trying hard not to say who did it or to imply that it could happen to her. I want her to retain that innocence and not to worry.
Because I do that in plenty for the both of us. I see her on the mat attacking the spazzy guys, and I realize that I want to do that, too, but I’m afraid. Of injury, mostly; I’m all too aware that my joints are fragile and that my face doesn’t like getting pummeled. I’m overly cautious usually, playing defensively and guarding against injury, because I worry over things like LCL sprains. And even though I know better, I play a might could game in my head and so stay away from anything even remotely frightening. This is also something that has been cropping up outside of the gym, too.
(I had a more in-depth chatter here, but my internet cut out and it didn’t save. Bah.)
Not that I want to be reckless, but I don’t want to be so afraid and so preoccupied with what might happen that I ignore what is happening. So “Be Fearless” is going on top of my goals list for this next year.