If I had a time machine, I would…

…go back somewhere quiet and take a nap. And then come back here and keep going.

The topic came up at work as part of a multi-tasking discussion. And my first response was “I need more sleep,” which probably says a lot about how tired I am right now. Hmmm…


Once I got to class, though, I changed my answer. If I had a time machine, I would go back to last night’s class and wait through half the kickboxing class to when they were doing light sparring on the mat, and then when the idiot kid who doesn’t want to lose to a girl throws a spinning heel kick and hits the new BJJ girl in the head on her second night of kickboxing with the regular class, I would have separated his head from his body.

Justin and Brandon were there. Said she went out cold. When she came to, she was hyperventilating and crying. Took a while to get her calmed down and taken care of. Had a lump on her jaw where he hit her. She didn’t come back tonight.

It’s a good thing I don’t have a time machine.

He was thoroughly chewed out by the assistant instructor, was worked over good by one or two of the good kickboxers, and will probably get both from Perry next week; his football coach has been told (the assistant instructor’s wife is a teacher at his school) and was not happy; and nearly all the BJJ guys know and are not happy. (Several warmed up before class by knocking the snot out of the heavy bags, which they don’t normally do.)

Oooo, makes me so mad!

(I suppose a time machine would also allow me to step in and stop her from getting kicked in the first place, which might be a better scenario all around.)


Tech (maybe Radford, too) is on break starting tomorrow, so most everyone probably left today. Small class, though several came in at or after the start of class, so we ended up with more than we thought we’d have. Short and easy warmup, though I was once again exhausted so quickly. Only one run on squat jumps (lost my squat jump mojo, pooh) and on forward/backward rolls.

Rolling. With Will. Couldn’t pass his open guard. Then under side control and half guard and completely ineffective on everything. Then with Adam. Didn’t matter what I’d try, but he’d do something — no clue — and catch a neck crank. Oww. Then went with Guillaume for a round. During and afterward, he asked if I was okay, said he expected to have to work a lot harder than that while rolling with me. Trying to cheer me up. So tired I thought I’d break down crying on the mat, and for no reason that I know of except that I’m tired.

Drilling. Standard guard break and pass first.

Then this other thing. It made perfect sense when Justin showed it — start like a half guard, with one hook in, but sitting up and going as if you’re doing the elevator sweep. When they whizzer, bring your hand in front of their chest, grab their whizzered wrist, and chicken-wing down on it. Now shoot like you’re going Old School, continuing the roll to bring them across and over. Pass to side control. — but I absolutely could not get my body to do it. My brain knew what was going on but just could not get anything down to my body. Adam even tried showing it to me several more times, and I just could not do it. Nearly cried again.

More rolling. An odd number, and both Justin and Adam were going to roll, so I went to sit out, but then Adam waved me in to roll with his partner. One of the “MMA guys.” One of the ones I avoid. No, really, I’ll sit. I’m tired and moody and cranky– Oh, fine, fine. Could not get off my back again, holding on with half guard or hooks. At one point, he tried to fling his legs up and over to the other side; I caught half guard. He laughed and said that he wanted to try it, that Tim always tells him not to try to jump like that; I said that well, that’s why. His arms are more than long enough to wrap around me in any position, so often he’d just bear-hug and squeeze. When I didn’t tap (because it didn’t do anything), he’d laugh and say that he had no idea what he was doing. Yeah, I noticed.

While I was rolling with this guy, a new wrestling guy was trying to bum-rush Justin. Last night, this guy rolled with Tim and started throwing elbows; caught Tim in the eye, lots of bleeding then, lots of bruising today. Tonight, I heard this guy choking a lot as he tried to outlast submissions.

Next round, this guy comes after me. I tried to get out again, but Adam sent me right back in. *pout* I no likey youse guys no more. He was slower at first with me than he had been with Justin, but he got frustrated very quickly when he couldn’t pass my half guard or, when he finally did after slamming me around, when I’d recover to half guard or butterfly, and then he started trying to slam me around even more. I guess he was trying some wrestling holds on me, because he’d pretzel me around pretty good and then squeeze, but none of it was ever threatening at all. Sit there a moment to find the open side and then pop out, easy peasy. Wish I’d had energy to sweep him or even submit him, but was just floppy. Wanted to try the sweep from tonight, if my brain could work it out, but he must have heard that elbow-in-throat is the way to go. Meh.

Also, I’ve ripped off a good portion of my left big toe nail (ouch); the middle toe on my right foot is doing funky things; my back hurts (I know, that’s bad); my ribs hurt from the floppy guys; and I have more bruises than usual everywhere. The smart, intelligent, and sane response would be to take a break. Instead, while I’m not going to Open Mat tomorrow (might not be anyone there anyway), I am going in early on Saturday.

6 thoughts on “If I had a time machine, I would…

  1. Add me to the list of people who are agitated about the jackass kid. It’s gotta be really hard to kick someone in the head hard enough to knock them cold without there being SOME intent there surely? Especially in light sparring? I mean fair enough if he sat her on her ass and shook her up a little I could see it being an accident, but it must have been a fair whack if he put her out completely!

    Even if it was completely accidental you just gotta take more care of the new kid on her second class. Massive idiot. I hope his visits to the gym in the near future become completely un-fun. And I hope she comes back.

    In other news, the world really won’t end if you skip a night of training. Take a break before you hurt yourself! (Yeah I know you’re not listening to me)

  2. You sound like you need a break. Take that bottle of vodka (proverbial or otherwise) somewhere sunny and relaxing. You’ll miss training alot even if its only a few days but when you get back you will be shocked at the difference.

  3. @Georgette: He didn’t kick me; he kicked the new BJJ girl (who might now be the former new BJJ girl). If he’d kicked me, HE would be the one knocked out right now.

    The instructors tried calling her last night, but didn’t reach her, so we don’t know how she’s doing.

    @Neil: Yeah, it’s hard to “accidentally” throw a head kick. And he’s been doing this long enough that he knows better.

    @Neil & Tom: “Take a break”? What is that, a new Eddie Bravo half-guard sweep? 😉

  4. Wow, that sux. Now because that guy was a jerk, you may have lost a training partner. What a tool!

    By the way, I think I know that sweep you’re talking about. I learned it from a guy at ATT when I was in florida (although he told me to use it as a defense for a darce choke when I’m on half guard bottom). Keep drilling it because it’s a money move for me against bigger guys. Just remember that 1) you really have to dive for that far leg and get your head in deep or it won’t work. 2) try it with c-cupping the thigh or shin and see which works better for you (if he’s on his knees I get the shin and get better leverage/more air with that); 3) if he’s not going over try sweeping to different angles and see if you can make it work (i.e. straight to the side vs towards their trapped shoulder. Most important thing is really committing to that far leg and getting your hips underneath (otherwise you’re trying to pull his whole body over with just your arm strength). Good luck 🙂

  5. @Ninja: Yeah, it made sense to my brain, and I think I will like it once I sort it out, and I knew that Justin was showing it as a response to what Adam kept catching me in (which was very D’Arce-like) — but I just couldn’t get my body to work. Thanks for the tips. I’ll get some sleep tonight and then get them to work with me on it more in the morning. 😛

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