BJJ Grrl

"Be gentle, kind and beautiful, yet firm and strong, both mentally and physically." ~Sensei Keiko Fukuda

That was short…

on July 15, 2009

Long day of meetings. Very much boring. And we get to do it all again tomorrow. Yay?


Surprisingly small class for a nogi night. About 7 of us. Warmup was okay; wasn’t doing great, but wasn’t doing too badly. Lots of single legs.

Then we partnered up to work pummeling for double-unders. With Brandon first, and he wasn’t just picking me up if he got close but I still had an arm that I was fighting in. Justin next, and he did just pick me up. By the end of that round, we were going fairly fast and hard, at least for me, but it was fun.

We moved on to drilling the single-leg from last week.Was having trouble with the first few; Tim came over and showed me to pull up on his leg with my hands while pushing down with my shoulder/head. Got it then. But somewhere in the changing levels, I started getting dizzy and short of breath. Tried to hold on, maybe just slow down a little, until it passed. (If it would…) Tim noticed me pausing with my hands on my knees and came over to tell me not to get frustrated. I wasn’t, I was just dizzy, and I said so. And then he kicked me out of class. Again. Second time in two weeks.

I was fine until he did that. Then the waterworks tried to take over. Went back and changed.

On my way out, Tim stopped me and asked if I was okay, if there was something going on outside of class that was affecting me in class. I said no, there’s nothing, I was just dizzy today. He said I shouldn’t come in if I’m feeling bad; but I’d been feeling great until we got to that drill, and then it just seemed to suddenly hit. He talked to me a little bit more; I could mostly only nod, since the waterworks were threatening again. He said that he’s being tough on me because he said I’m “so close.” And I know and understand that; I just wish there were an easier way to be tough.

He also that I’m making faces when he partners me with or I get stuck with a guy who smashes on me or a guy who doesn’t flow roll with me. I didn’t realize I was doing that, but I’ve been told before that I make faces, and I’m completely oblivious to it; apparently I wear my feelings on my face. Oops. (And once again, when I’m starting to think that Tim doesn’t see what’s going on and doesn’t know, it turns out that he does. And that he knows I’d rather just flow than have to compete in every class.) But he said that I need to work with the smashing guys and that I need to start controlling them and working to submit them, that it will help me get better. Oh. Okay. He says he won’t let any of them hurt me. I should know that, and yet I let myself forget so many times.

*le sigh* I don’t want to be wimpy crying girl. (And I wasn’t, until jiu-jitsu. So much for toughening me up, pfft.)

I know, I probably just need some time off and some rest. I’m not a fan of either. But, I have a hair appointment tomorrow night and then I have to pack for Richmond, and I’ve already decided to take next week off. But maybe… … no, don’t even think that way. Maybe I’ll see if I can find another hobby outside of class that will take up one night, so I have something to do other than just sit on my hands and think about how I could be in class.

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3 responses to “That was short…

  1. Jay says:

    Hey there,
    As someone who is just coming back to the mats after a long time off I can understand the frustration you felt in class when you wanted to perform yet your body would not let you. Do not let it discourage you.

    I have been reading your blog since its inception and I can ensure you that, from an outside perspective at least, you have gotten tougher. Hang in there, don’t let the little speed bumps affect your whole journey.

  2. leslie says:

    Thanks, Jay. I really appreciate that.

    And now that I think about it, it also seems that the standard to which I’m being held has gotten higher, which was the impression I got from Tim last night. I just haven’t figured that new standard out yet and adapted to reaching it.

  3. Patrick says:

    The ups and downs of training jiu-jitsu are mostly an overabundance of downs coupled with very few ups. Lots of times things rarely go our way – look at me, injured twice – the negative aspects can be pretty overwhelming.

    But as frustrating it may be, it’s those moments where things do go our way, where jiu-jitsu is an absolute joy, those glorious positive moments that make training all the worthwhile.

    We just have to be patient enough and determined enough to see through the rough times. Anyway, it’s what I keep telling myself when I’m going crazy at home wanting nothing more than to roll.

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