BJJ Grrl

"Be gentle, kind and beautiful, yet firm and strong, both mentally and physically." ~Sensei Keiko Fukuda

More gi, more gi!

on January 12, 2009

Next week we officially switch to gi on Monday, Tuesday, and Saturday; nogi on Wednesday; and MMA on Thursday. Yay! Gi seems to be the more counter-intuitive for me, with all the grabbing, so I’m glad for more work in it.

Warmup, slow again. I feel as if I’m out of gas; my muscles don’t want to move. Then we did some solo drills, bridging and then threading the needle. Then we drilled that with a partner as a side control escape. I worked in with Will and Clifton.

Then we drilled the escape live, the person on top just holding them down and the person on the bottom working this escape. I could hardly get my hips off the ground most of the time; the few times that I did, he’d bring his knee in and block me from turning in. And then when we switched, he could do it at will, even if I tried bringing my knee in to block.

Rolling next. Will, Justin, another guy, and Will again. Blergh. Just… blergh. Tried to tell myself just to roll, just to have fun, especially with Justin, but I couldn’t seem to move at all. Felt sluggish, and watched things go right by because I couldn’t react fast enough to move toward them. Justin started taking it easy on me, not doing half of what he has been doing. Did fight off submissions quicker a few times with Will, when I knew what he was setting up, but spent the entire time on defense. With the other guy, I turtled near the beginning; he couldn’t pry me open, so he just picked me up and flipped me over.

A little bit of conditioning at the end.

One of the things I like about jiu-jitsu is that I’m often learning about myself and what I need to work on in my own life outside of class. I’ll notice something occuring in class, and then I’ll realize that it’s not just an issue in class but also in the rest of my life.

Tonight: I make excuses far too much and then use those excuses to give me a reason not to commit fully to something. I try to prove to myself that I can’t do something rather than that I can. I say that the guys are too strong or that I’ll never get published or that tracking my calories is too restrictive. And when the guys muscle me or I don’t finish a novel or can’t think of something to write or I don’t lose weight, well, see, I knew it all along. Self-fulfilling prophecy, but not in the direction I want to be going. I’m not getting fanatical about finding a way to make it work, about doing the necessary work — more conditioning & drilling, setting an absolute writing time, weighing & measuring everything I eat — and am instead taking the slacker’s “out,” just waiting for it all to magically come together.

I realized this tonight as I was drilling & rolling and caught myself thinking, “Well, he’s just stronger than me; it’s not my fault. I’m just a wimpy girl.” (I think it was the “wimpy girl” that made me say, “Hey, now, what’s going up there?”) Well, he’s going to continue to be stronger than you; that’s probably a given. But jiu-jitsu is a little man’s game, and you’re the littlest one. Now who’s fault is it? There has to be something you can do, something you can work on. Tonight, you realized your hips are weak. Weak. More bridging solo, and then bridging with weight (somehow) or a partner. More bridging.

So, while I am annoyed at myself for letting it drag on this long before catching it, I am glad I finally defined it. Now I need plans, lots of plans — and I need to commit to my plans and stick with them. (I tend to make a lot of plans, but when there’s no progress — because I’m not expecting any — then I fall off the plans because I already have my “out” prepared.) Not this time.

Was supposed to have an interview tomorrow, but the lady coordinating it called me late today and said her boss was unexpectedly called out of town, so we’ll reschedule for next week. (Already rescheduled it once.)


4 responses to “More gi, more gi!

  1. Jay says:

    This post really resonated with me. I’m willing to bet that there have been times that all of us in the BJJ community have had those times on (and off) the mats when we let our negative self-talk become a self fulfilling prophecy. One of my common lines is “I hate wrestlers”; in reality what I should be saying is “I really need to work on my wrestling skills so I can stop getting owned.

    Its tempting to fall into that trap of blaming the external rather than taking ownership. We all do it. It’s good to see you recognize it and are taking steps to overcome it. I look forward to seeing how it goes!


  2. leslie says:

    Thanks, Jay. The first step for me, I think, is to start recognizing when I’m thinking like that and to slam that thinking down. Had to do it several times tonight!

  3. Georgette says:

    I hear you! That’s been my issue lately too. Then when I grapple with one of the chicks at my school, who’s my size, my strength, my agility level, my aggressiveness level, and even my experience, it’s the reaching for excuses that I do which tells me I’m full of it.

    I had a very “stuck” day yesterday– wasn’t being assertive about escaping, was too relaxed, and wasn’t learning from mistakes. Here’s to new days, new plans, new perspective 🙂


  4. leslie says:

    That’s it — new days. Doesn’t matter that I wasted a day on video games or ate too much chocolate. (Oops.) Go again tomorrow. Without the chocolate… … … maybe.

    (The silly little voice in my head is currently trying to make excuses/justification for why I can’t try to plan out for losing weight, writing a novel, or improve my jiu-jitsu. *shakes head* Get out!)

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