Why can’t it be THIS week?

Another night of feeling as if I know nothing. It seems the harder I try to fight it and make myself be better, the worse I get. Ugh.


  • elbows in
  • back not flat

Okay, once again, actually pretty good on both of those. My turtle was tighter, with my elbows tucked in much further and tighter, so that the guys would eventually give up attacking and grab at my shoulder and one leg and flip me. Caught my elbows flying away a few times and pulled them back in. Still spent most of every round on my back, though my first thought when I was heading there was to get my hips out.

Small class since most of the gi guys are students and aren’t back from break yet. Warmup, a little weird, with backwards running and backwards bear crawls. A few newer guys, so lots of reps on shrimping and single legs. Three trips of squat jumps, and even though my quads and hamstrings are sore from last night’s jump squat fest, I still got all three trips. Still winded by the end, though.

Then we drilled knee-on-belly, transitioning from side to side, followed by bump sweep, followed by bump sweep with pass to side control. I worked with the other girl, who’s back after nearly a month to rehab her hand; turns out she actually broke several bones in her hand and needed surgery, I think, but the hospital had mixed up her x-rays with someone else’s whose injury wasn’t has bad as hers, and it took them a while to catch the mistake. Ouch! She says it’s a lot better now, though.

Drilling took most of class, and then we rolled. Four rounds. Started with the other girl. She doesn’t have a gi yet, and I was all worked up to roll gi tonight, so that threw me off. Took a few minutes to get my head back in the game. Need to work on shooting my hips up to catch the armbar or triangle; they were being lazy. I don’t remember what I was trying for, but she rolled over and gave me her back so I went to work on a RNC, which is about the only thing I know from there. Got it in, but she was fighting back hard and managed to pull my lower arm off a bit. A little more pummeling around her neck and got it back in and tighter.

Next with Will. Got caught with a few things I should have been able to get out of, but couldn’t make any space to move. Mostly forgot about grips. Pretty much the same with Clifton next. Then Brad, and I did catch a good armbar; had my heels pinched in and down, my knees together, a kimura grip, and was leveraging against his grip, but couldn’t break it. Might not have had it tight enough against my chest, or might have been leaning too far backwards. Tried grabbing under his leg and pulling it in, but his leg was too heavy. Couldn’t think of anything else to do from there (though I did think of it later: pull in and grab behind the elbow of his far arm, if I could reach it, and then sit back with both of them), so I transitioned to mount to set up for that armbar again or a head-and-arm choke but ran out of time.

Most of the night again felt like I was three steps behind, as if everyone knew what I was going to do before I even knew. Couldn’t pass, couldn’t break guard (well, did break a guard once and got my knee up & in, and then the guy wrapped me back up in guard with my knee in), couldn’t hold side control, couldn’t finish what I did catch. We had an odd number, and I kept trying to be the odd one out so I could sit and pull myself together, but Tim was always making sure someone was going with me.

After class, Adam and Justin were both on the mat answering questions. (I can never think of questions. My questions are usually more tactical than technique. Though they do answer those questions, too.) I was watching Adam show armbar and triangle from mount. Tim came over as I was sitting there and asked me what was wrong. (I always think I’m controlling my facial expressions, but everyone’s always asking me if I’m okay. So apparently I’m not keeping how I’m feeling off my face. Bleh.) I said that I suck. He countered that I don’t, that I’m just working with guys who are outmuscling me to everything, and that I do fine with the advanced guys. He said he was frustrated in the beginning and felt like he was at a dead-end and not getting any better, but that in just one week, everything exploded and suddenly worked. Said I can’t give up now, that I’m closer than I think I am.

Alright, so I won’t quit jiu-jitsu for knitting any time soon. But why can’t it be this week that everything works? This dead-end skid is getting on my nerves… and getting annoyed and frustrated is probably doing nothing to end the skid. Silly vicious cycle…

Apparently sending out your resume unsolicited works better than actually applying for existing jobs. I’m still in contact with the CEO who emailed me before I left for Paris, and today I got an email for an interview later this week from another company. And I’ve had several nice “Thank you for your resume, but we don’t have a position right now” email responses. All from unsolicited emails with my resume. Whereas, from the actual jobs I’ve applied to — and for which I’m completely qualified — I’ve gotten one “No, thanks” (the position is still open) and a lot of no replies. That probably explains why I had trouble finding jobs before: I relied on posted jobs. Apparently they don’t do much good… :/

Blog of the Year: Congrats to Shogun HQ/Zhoozhitzu do Graugardo for being voted the BJJ Blog of the Year, and to BJJ-Asia for coming in second. Thanks to Steve and Slideyfoot for nominating me and to everyone who voted. It was cool just to be up there, especially when I never expected that anyone would ever read this blog. =P So thanks again!


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